Bad Deer Season - Like my friends

The 2011 deer hunting season is here.  Every season at least one of my friends has no luck bagging a deer.  But I am always there to cheer them up.  At first, I was very bad at cheering up my pitiful friends.  I tried different things.  This year I decided I should buy a hunting app for one of my friends. 

Deer season always ends right around my nephews.  Once for his birthday, I rented a gorilla suit and jumped around at his party.  The kids loved it so much.  I saw how happy they were seeing me in the costume so that made me think of my sad friend who didn't get a deer.  Would he love it too?

At the time, he was living alone, he actually is a DNR officer.  Around 2 A.M. I put the gorilla suit back on and went through his unlocked backdoor.  Perfect he was sound-a-sleep in his bed :).   I have often wondered if I would react how he reacted if someone jumped on me in a gorilla suit.

Gorilla suits are not the best thing to cheer up hunters with.  But here is something a little more tame that might help. 

How to make beef taste like venison

1. Start one year before beforehand.  So if you want to eat venison by Jan 1st 2013 you need to start this by Jan 1st 2012
2. Buy a steer and feed it only berries, peppermint, clover and grass.
3. On the day it will be butchered you need chase it for 2.5 hours to get the blood and adrenaline pumped into the meat.
4. Shoot the steer immediately after chasing and make sure it is a gut shot. This helps tenderize the meat. 
5. Then you need to drag the dead steer through the grass and mud.  You can tie his legs and hook him up to your rear bumper, get the steer as dirty as possible.
 6. Find a buddy with a pick-up truck if you don't have your own.  Put the deer in the bed and drive down a gravel road for at least 10 miles.  Some people think this is to get the steer even dirtier but it so the steer can pick up a nice even country scent.  If you do it on a rainy day that is even better.
8. Hang the steer the garage, you want to hang him low enough so the dog can lick and chew on him.

9. Finally, when you can no longer stand the smell of the carcass he is ready to be butchered.


If you follow these steps your entire family will believe what they are eating is venison.  And the other great thing is you will never again have to put your crazy ass costume on again and walk 100 miles to your tree stand.